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| 1996 |
This is a year of big milestones for me and I'm starting to feel them. I'll be 40, my husband and I will have been together 20 years (married 15), I will have been with my employer 20 years, my oldest will be13. All of this has me reflecting - big time! Where have I been? Where am I going? What have I done? What will I do? All of these questions are constantly in my head, and I can't seem to answer one of them.
I absolutely realize how blessed I am in terms of my job. I started as a temp employee soon after I turned 20. (The picture to the left was taken for our budget during my first year of employment, which explains why I look petrified!). I accepted the temp assignment with the thought that it will be some money in my pocket until I decide something. Well, I ended up liking the work, and the people even more. Two months later I was hired as a regular employee, and so my journey began. In 2 years, I went from a clerk to a supervisor, 4 years later to a manager and I've been there ever since - all the way without a college degree. It's all self-taught, on-the-job training, determination, and lots of continuing education. I'm at the ceiling as far as the job itself. This company has provided for me and my family in ways that I am forever grateful. I've been able to take the time off I've needed (and wanted), which I appreciated even more once my kiddos came along.
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| 2000 |
I hope this isn't my mid-life. I hope I have more than 40 years left because even 40 more years doesn't seem like enough. I feel like there is more I should be doing, more I have to give, but I have no idea what "that" is. I've thought of starting over and changing careers. I had always wanted to be an elementary teacher. I started down that path but chose to have too much fun in college rather than go to classes (not recommended), and then I decided I wanted to jump right into work and make money because a teacher's salary didn't seem that great. Hindsight, I realize that if you have kids, being a teacher could be a great profession to give you more time with your own kids. And I've learned over the years that for the majority of teachers, it's not about the money. If you love the job, the money doesn't matter. Now that I'm a mom, I can see where that career would have been nice. That obviously didn't work out for reasons I will probably never know, so maybe the path I went down is better for me, and my kids. Even though we don't have the same days off all the time, my job is flexible and I don't recall missing anything because of work.
This year has already caused me way too much contemplation, which isn't a bad thing, but it's making me feel as if I need to decide something. I don't understand this self-created pressure all of a sudden. Seriously, it seems like I JUST celebrated my 30th birthday!
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| 1st birthday |
My daughter will be 13 in November, and then 16, and then graduating. I recognize how quickly these last 10 years have gone, I can't imagine the next 5 or 6. Even at her age now, I have to really think and look at pictures to remind myself how small she was - how far she has come. I absolutely get it now when people say "I forget what it was like to hold a baby" or "I can't believe how fast time goes once you have kids". I get it. I live that myself now.
Thankfully, I'm a picture freak - I have to memorialize everything! So, I have plenty of snapshots to take me back. I love the feeling I get when I see a picture and can recall everything about the moment - not just where we were but how it felt at the time. This is exactly why I mentioned in my previous post to take it all in...burn it in your memory, live in that moment, let yourself enjoy every bit of what is happening in that moment in time!
Even though my son is almost 8 (which reminds me I need to start planning a party), it's
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| 2010 |
also flown by too. It's crazy the different feelings I have with him. Different in that all of the firsts are actually the last firsts I'll have with a child. This is it. And in 5 years it'll be HIS 13th birthday. What a difference in kids during those 5 years! He still seems like such a baby to me, and in 5 years he'll grow into a teenager. The whole process just freaks me out!
I know this is all a part of "the process", this is life - it starts and just keeps going and going whether you're ready for it or not. And I'm finding that I'm not...
It's that time of year...end of school and beginning of baseball and softball. Just looking at our calendar gives me anxiety! And, dance classes two nights a week are coming to an end, which means the end-of-year dance showcase is on the horizon. I think we'll finally get to catch our breaths around mid-June. Oh, and there's full-time work and a house full of the usual chores that need tending. Whew!
But, I'm truly okay with all of it - the running here and there (pretty much every night), the pile of dishes, the pile of laundry, the barely up-kept house. Because all of that reminds that I'm a mom - I'm a mom spending time with my kiddos helping them do what they love (and are great at) and I'm helping shape them by finding those teachable moments in everything we do. I love going to all of their events because these moments don't last forever, they're not going to always be around (or want me around lol). Once these years are gone, they don't come back. And in a few years they'll be driving, which means they'll drive themselves to where they need to be - I won't, which means those teachable moments will be harder to come across, those one-on-one conversations. Then a few years later they're out of the house and moving on to build their own life, one that you hope you have helped them build over the years.
There is something special in every rushing-around-gotta-get-here-and-there days/nights. Live in those moments - right there, right then. Don't allow yourself to look ahead too far and worry about what's next, because you'll miss what you have at that moment in time. Who cares if it's 9:00 at night after a ball game and there's school and work the next day - stop and get that ice cream or drink. There will always be school and there will always be work, but there won't be that moment again, right then, right there. That's what they'll remember and hold onto - the things you did, the way you made them feel, and hopefully what you said.
Take it all in, pay attention to what is happening in THAT very moment. You don't want to miss this...
